Becoming

I'm am just going to start typing because I don't really know how to say what I want to say. I've just been thinking a lot lately about becoming the person that Heavenly Father wants me to be. Living up to my potential....except I don't like that word because potential is unattainable. It is possible as opposed to actual....according to the dictionary. It is something that I just want to be. I want it to be actual...right now. A person worth becoming can't be attained in one moment. And I fail. A lot. Fortunately, Christ suffered for my failures and with Him, I can overcome all things. He can make me into person he needs me to be as long as I do my best. I guess I am realizing how feeble willpower can be and at the same time, how strong it can be. It depends on the source. When it is coming only from me, it is quite weak. When I am coupled with Christ, my willpower is unmatchable. Why do I, then, walk away from him? Why do I unhook myself from his yolk and try to do things on my own? It is way harder! That is the natural man in me. It is funny how we think that we are taking an easier path. It may start out easier but in the end it is always harder. Sometimes I just want to see all the way to the end even though I am not very far from the beginning. At the same time, I don't want to see the end because what if I don't like it? Then what would I do? Gordon B Hinckley said "It isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us.…If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers." I'll just keep working on trusting that even though things seem one way, Heavenly Father has a plan and everything will work out and I will find happiness. Now I am not saying that I am not happy because I am happy. My life is great. It is going very well for me right now. I have the best family EVER. My parents are so great and have taught me a lot more than they know and my sisters are my best friends. I have so many blessings it is ridiculous and somehow Heavenly Father sees fit to keep sending me more. I have a great job and soon I get to start school..again! Finally!! My life is so fantastic! But, I am human. I hope that in my humanly weakness, blindness, and stiffneckedness, I don't miss the special experiences that Heavenly Father has in store for me. I want to become the person in my patriarchal blessing. I want to be a force of righteousness and light in this world that is increasingly wicked and dark. I want people to want to know Christ because they know me. I want people to see his face in my countenance. There is a book that I read called "Moonwalking with Einstein." It is a very interesting book. I loved it and would recommend it. There is a...I guess you could call it a declaration..or a motto...I can't thing of the word for it right now...by the group called the "Talented Tenth Manifesto." They say, "Either walk with our glory and rise to the top with us, or step aside, for when we get to the top, we will reach back and raise you up with us." This is the kind of life I want to live. One where I work as hard as I can to reach the top and as I get higher and higher, I turn around and lift others. So I say, "Either walk with my glory and rise to the top with me, or step aside, for when I get to the top, I will reach back and raise you up with me." I hope that doesn't sound too bold or conceited. I just want to make a difference.